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“Treasuring my time with Jesus”
by Mary G. Arruebarrena, committed adorer at St. Francis Xavier
Adoration Chapel
“Goodnight, Dad”. Over a decade ago, these were
the words I used to utter as I came in from partying with
friends in the wee hours of the morning. My father was headed
in another direction on his way out the door to his weekly
holy hour. My father has now been a committed adorer for over
fifteen years, but it was not until almost two years ago that
I first set foot in an Adoration chapel.
It was Mardi Gras time in New Orleans . I was five months
pregnant with our second child and had a thirteen month old
at home. I wandered into the Adoration chapel at our parish.
As I opened the door and saw the Monstrance containing the
Eucharist, I knelt down on both knees (a reflex response from
years of weekly Benediction while attending Catholic grade
school). I then moved to one of the kneelers surrounding the
Eucharist and began to pray. I remember asking Jesus for a
safe delivery and a healthy baby. I promised Him that I would
take care of this child and offer it back to Him as I thought
to myself that the gift of a child is mine to care for and
raise for such a short time and ultimately this is God’s
child whom He entrusted to my care. A very humbling thought
indeed as I already had a little one at home. I sometimes
wondered if I was up to the task.
I do not remember the next time I returned, but I do remember
the warm and peaceful feeling that I felt while in the chapel.
The feeling is almost impossible to describe in words. My
best description is that it feels like a hug. Around this
time, I also began attending daily morning Mass whenever I
could and afterwards I would pop into the chapel fairly regularly
to get that “hug” which gave me such comfort. While
in the chapel, I would “rattle” my Our Father’s
and Hail Mary’s. But after some time, I began to “rattle”
less and listen more. I began to enjoy the stillness and silence.
My prayers were much like a conversation with an old friend.
I found myself listening more and talking less. I would still
pray of course, but my prayers were more like a conversation
with an old and trusted friend.
Time passed quickly as I awaited my due date. In June, and
I gave birth to a baby boy on Father’s Day. The birth
of my son and the care of an eighteen month old daughter were
pretty overwhelming. Ours was quite a crazy, sleep deprived
household in which my husband was working diligently to become
partner at his law firm. The stress and sleep deprivation
took their toll on us and by the October we were “losing
it” to say the least. At this time, a good friend suggested
that we begin making a weekly holy hour together. At first,
I thought “Great! How am I going to find time for this
when all I wanted to do was get some sleep!” However,
I quickly remembered the peaceful silence and those warm hugs.
We immediately began going to weekly adoration together. We
did this for about four months and then it seemed that something
always interrupted our schedules such that it became difficult
to continue going together at the same time. So, for the next
several months I began to “pop in” whenever I could,
usually at least once a week, but never at a consistent time.
Although I did not have a committed holy hour, those times
of “popping in” at least once a week began to have
an effect on me. I found myself drawn into the chapel and
to spend time there as if Jesus in the Eucharist was a magnet
powerfully pulling me towards Him. It was a strong, but gentle
pull so as not to overwhelm me. I now know how much Jesus
understood my stubborn nature as He did not pull so hard that
I might feel overwhelmed and want to run away. I was infused
with a longing and a deep love for Jesus’ presence in
the Blessed Sacrament which could not be satisfied by anything
else. It is this “pull” which keeps me moving towards
Him. There were times when I wished I could stay in the chapel
forever as it was indeed a “little taste of heaven”.
I definitely did not perceive it at the time, but now looking
back, I can see that things began to change in my life. I
began to read all kinds of books about the lives of the saints
and spirituality, attend daily Mass whenever possible, go
to Confession (for the first time in seven years), and attend
several retreats. I also became a member of a newly formed
prayer group. All of these events gave me a much deeper appreciation
for the power of the Eucharist and the Mass.
A few months ago, as I “popped” into the chapel
again, I noticed a sign on the door which stated that adorers
were needed Saturdays 5:00-6:00 p.m. I thought to myself,
“This is my chance”. Saturday is perfect; no need
for a babysitter. Becoming a committed adorer will allow me
to spend at least one uninterrupted hour in the chapel. So
I called and signed up and have been making my holy hour each
week ever since.
Although I have now gone to Adoration for almost two years,
it has been in the last six months as a committed adorer that
I most treasure my time alone with Jesus. I bring Him all
my prayers, worries, and concerns, while offering Him the
little bit of my unworthy self. It is truly a humbling experience
to sit before God, who so humbled Himself to be with us under
the veil of bread and wine. I now understand why my Dad woke
up in the wee hours of the morning to spend time with Jesus
in the Blessed Sacrament. I once heard someone say that they
ask Jesus to “empty them out of all that is mine and
fill them with all that is Him”. “Less of me, more
of Him” is all I ask. This is my simple prayer to become
more like Him. Open yourself up, listen and allow Him to work
in your life. I did and I have never been the same.
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